too comfortable

I'm settling in. The past few weeks have been rather tumultuous for me, and have helped me to formulate a stance on how I view change and how change fits into my life. I think my stance is summed up best by Brandon Heath's "Don't Get Comfortable". Because just when I start to feel comfortable-- in my living situation, with my routine, with my schedule and my 'place' in life, in my world, that is exactly when I start to feel the pulls of change. I don't adjust to change well. But the urge to change things up, to never be too comfortable, seems to come from God.

Recently, the hard change I've encountered has been my living situation. I've been living in total comfort: I've had my own basement apartment, clean, relatively new, safe, air conditioned, and completely unshared. I've acquired things in the last year to supplement that comfort, things I don't really need. I've surrounded myself with stuff and blocked out the rest of the world. That comfort was a grateful reprieve from the life I lead in Indonesia. The amenities were completely different: from living without a shower or western toilet and spotty water and electricity to my own washer and dryer, dishwasher, and wireless internet. Perhaps that was something that really helped me to adjust to a new life in DC. But lately I've been feeling a call to live a different way, and have been actually feeling nostalgic about living in Indonesia and the way that I lived (it's so NOT about amenities...). So I said goodbye to my luxurious digs and moved in on campus-- with a roommate in a shared efficiency apartment. I haven't slept in a twin sized bed since college. And I haven't slept in the same room as another person in... well, anyway, I haven't had a roommate in 5 years. Try fitting all the crap of an entire apartment into the space of half an efficiency... well, my roommate is an amazingly gracious soul and I am grateful.

At first it felt really hard. Even though I knew that I was doing the right thing by giving up my apartment and moving here, once I was in I felt completely frustrated and wondered what the heck I was doing. But slowly, slowly, it's coming together. It's small, but cozy. And I live with a great girl. There's no commute-- I walk across the parking lot to work every morning and every afternoon. (So no gas! And no pollution! I bet I could get away with not driving for a whole WEEK! At my other apartment I drove EVERY SINGLE DAY). It has been a fun challenge to see how the pieces fit-- kitchen things, linens, clothes, but as someone else said to me-- I'm good at organization. And the community! Tonight, I had fellowship with old friends, and even got an invitation to a weekly breakfast group from a classmate I hardly know. I'm in love with Wesley once more.

I was worried about sharing, though. And making room in my life for the needs of others. My old lifestyle was sometimes lonely. I worked hard and had long hours and sometimes would fall asleep on the couch after dinner. I didn't have to worry about how my behavior affected someone else, didn't have to share my belongings or have much discipline in the way of keeping things clean. But so far, my roommate has been my workout partner, my meal partner, and has kept me putting things in their place just with her presence (also, in a space this small with as much stuff as I have, not putting things in their place would get out of hand pretty quickly). I'm finding that I like to ask if Ashlinn wants tea when I boil water for myself, that I enjoy cooking for two people instead of just one, and that if I'm thinking she needs the shower, I'm less inclined to waste time and water by staying in longer. I keep thinking Christians are meant to live in community. I've been out of practice.

That's the other major perk of this situation. I'm preparing for a move (again! oh, gosh!) to the Intentional Community (or IC) in the spring (more on that later). I'm hoping that this experience will pave the way to living with others in a more intentional way. I want to think about others without having to think about it. I want it to be automatic. I want to serve others on a regular basis and be less self-sufficient (imagine that!). I can't exist on my own; living with others will help me to remember that, and will also pave the way for me to be a better Christian for myself and for others. This is the first step. I feel God calling me to change MORE; to keep changing, to step by step be better and live more fully into His calling for my life. Let the God of change continue to shake things up and continue to keep me in His comfort without allowing me to be too comfortable. Thanks for a successful first step. Amen.