when quitting is right

I honestly feel like quitting is almost never right. The stigma of quitting in our society-- the shame, the feeling of failure, the sense of disgust I feel about myself when I've quit but see the success of someone else who didn't quit... It's rarely worth it. But, when it is right, it feels right. It's rare, but sometimes it will save you.

I am a career student. I'm not sure why, because I am starting to understand that I don't learn well in a traditional schooling environment. I mean, the sitting still, listening, no straying from focus, participating for a grade, go home and read 300 pages or else approach hasn't been effective for me for a long time. I'm not disciplined enough, and I haven't found a professor who scares me into submission since 10th grade (in that instance, I was a sophomore in a juniors and seniors only Environmental Science class, too scared of my classmates and my professor NOT to be disciplined enough to get my work done. I was terrified the entire time, though I did get a 4 on my AP Exam). I have to be either truly interested to make the traditional model work, or I have to be afraid of the consequences. I'm afraid I can't get afraid anymore... and even in classes where the subject matter is captivating and relevant, I feel so stifled by the 'system' of the class that I still don't do well.

Don't get me wrong. Even with all my lack of discipline and BS I'm still a B student. Not spectacular, but not anywhere near real failure. And I have enough years behind me as a student that I've got the system down and I know the rules. But the last year and half, working through my masters and now my certificate, I've felt school like a weight on my back.

I know how I must sound, what a problem. So much of the world has no access to education, and here I am, taking education for granted and dismissing the privilege of our educational system. I know that it is indeed a privilege to have access to the classroom, but it has come at a price for me. I heard someone describe this as 'golden shackles' not too long ago, and I feel it is apt. Believe me, I will spend the rest of my life working off the privilege of my education.

In any case, I digress. For me, it is time to call it quits. I have spent four and this semester would make half years working, and I have been unhappy almost the entire time I've been at it. I have put in a good faith effort to make it work and now it's time to know when enough is enough. I hate quitting, but now, it's right. It's time to know that I don't have to wait around to be happy. And I deserve to be happy now! No more school. I'm going to spend my evenings when I come home from work not dreading the assignment due every week, but focusing on things that bring me joy! Discovering new recipes that are healthy and economical, spending time with my husband and friends and creating again! I've really missed my sewing machine.

Since I made the decision, the affirmation that it was the right decision is how incredibly happy I've been since I've made it. Gone is the dread, the kicking and dragging my feet. Gone is the resignation on Wednesday nights for a horrible Thursday. Gone is the post-poned readings, the hurriedly read and then quickly ignored emails and everything else that went along with the class. I have more patience, more energy and definitely more excitement for life. Now it's time for new adventures!