If you'll indulge me (and I know you will because this is my blog), I would like to take a moment to complain about the sudden onset of female twisty brain. Feminists beware; I am going to make some gross generalizations about my gender that even I am not entirely comfortable with. However, it seems to be my experience at the moment and I am tired of letting the products of female twisty brain be the fruitless topics of my daily conversations and interaction. I hope that I will be able to complain here, let it out and then move on in life. Ah.
Recently, I have noticed that there is a part of my brain which has come alive, previously dormant for quite some time. Not at all like the first onset of female twisty brain in my early twenties, it is not affecting my ability to eat (more's the pity) so much as it is grossly affecting my ability to ponder anything else. Namely, my thesis. Other people's issues. The potential of the summer I am usually so in love with at this time of year. Little dreams and bigger ones. The LOST series finale. Basically, you name it and it has been pushed to the back burner of my mind, while the wildly obsessive over-analytical thoughts being cranked out by the female twisty brain have completely taken over.
Even though my logical brain is saying one thing, female twisty brain is insisting the opposite. And while I think I am listening to the logical half, the female twisty brain is making me feel like the I am not listening to the logical half at all. Jealousy? Possession? Wild fantastical delusion? Oh wait, the latter exist even when female twisty brain is inactive.
But really. Why second guess all things I know to be true? Why push for a reality that doesn't exist yet when the reality that does is really damn fine? Why let my legalistic side take over and demand statements made in black and white instead of being comfortable with the inferences I typically feel safe to draw? There's no explanation.
It's always an exciting time when female twisty brain takes over-- it means the potential for change is great (the potential is there even if it remains only potential). But it makes me mad that I seem to fall into this girlish stereotype- ever. I mean, I never see men behaving this way. I never see men letting little things become huge, over thinking them and talking them up from all angles until they have exhausted the subject-- and then returning back to them again. I never see men lose their patience the way I have felt my patience lost. I am sure there are equally unfortunate facets of male psychology that women may not face, but at this moment in time, I can't think of a single one. I guess that's what happens when you make gross generalizations.
More than anything, I am frustrated that my level of absorption has reached an all-time high, in a topic of conversation that really amounts not to much in the grand scheme of my near 26 years on earth. I don't like that female twisty brain not only consumes my daytime thoughts, preventing me from reaching the productivity level to which I have become accustomed, but also my subconscious: dreaming dreams that have me sleeping late or jumping out of bed in the morning. Dreaming dreams so real and vibrant, persuasive, alluring, emotional, satisfying. It's just not fair. I have work to do. And I have very little patience. I don't have time for this hott mess.
Go away, female twisty brain.
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